Updated: Aug 17
by Dana Roscoe
Are you tired of constantly seeking validation and compromising your own well-being in your business? Whether you’re a coach, a CEO or a work with a non-profit, it’s easy to fall into the people pleasing trap.
However, there is a way to serve your customers and team members that will leave you fulfilled and aligned with your needs. It comes down to a simple mindset shift in how you approach your work.
When we move from seeking to PLEASE people and instead, choose to SEE people, we create an environment where everyone wins.
In this post, we will unpack this idea of People Pleasing vs. People Seeing and explore ideas to help you make this transformative shift.
Have you ever attended a dinner party where the host seemed anxious and busy? Maybe they were running around filling drinks, rushing to get the lasagna ready or worried about making an Instagram worthy table setting.
The host looks like they’re in pain and you’re left feeling a bit uncomfortable. Their struggle to make things seem perfect is actually making everyone feel awkward!
I admit it, too many times, I have been this host. I was more concerned about entertaining my guests than actually enjoying the time together with friends. I’m not proud of this.
Thankfully, I have learned there is a difference between entertaining and hospitality.
Entertaining can often be a form of pleasing people to gain their approval.
Hospitality, however, comes from a place of what I call “people seeing.”
Hospitality is service from a place of love. It is done from an overflow of generosity and care for another. Hospitality may lack perfection, but it brings about genuine connection.
I’ve found that an attitude of hospitality, or people seeing, is a much more restful and satisfying way to host friends.
Similarly, when we as business owners, work and lead from a posture of pleasing, there can be detrimental effects. We may compromise on boundaries, rush our work or pressure team members with unhealthy expectations. No one wins.
However, a company led by a “people seer” has a productive and healthy team culture, satisfied customers and a leader who is calm and confident.
The good news: it’s entirely possible to transition from being a people pleaser to being a people seer. Further, this mindset shift can revolutionize your approach to business, bringing you:
Consider these scenarios of a people pleasing vs. people seeing approach:
People Pleasing: A manager agrees to meet the time constraints of a client, putting stress on team members to work overtime to meet the client’s wishes. The team feels frustrated and stretched. Did they need to do this?
People Seeing: A manager respects the time and health of their team members and informs the client of the realistic time frame in which the project can be completed. The team feels valued and excited to up their creative game to bring better results.
People Pleasing: A coach is worried about how a client will perceive them and comes to a session anxious, frantically taking notes and not fully present to what the client is sharing. The client misses out on experiencing a bigger breakthrough because the coach’s attention was divided.
People Seeing: A coach prepares and prays ahead of time, trusting God to lead them. The coach arrives relaxed, present and tuned into key words and questions that could be helpful to explore. The client is at ease and heard, allowing them to uncover solutions they had not yet considered.
The Bible teaches this way of “seeing” as a way of life. It says in Luke 6:45, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.”
It’s always good to hit pause and evaluate:
What is my mouth speaking? To myself, my clients and employees?
What are my actions and attitude in my business revealing about the condition of my heart?
Where does my sense of worth lie? Is it in who God says I am? Or is my worth tied to what others think of me and my business?
Intentionally decide to show up as a “people seer” business owner first and foremost.
Have your solid foundation of security in God.
Know you are loved and approved of by God, regardless of your accomplishments and failures.
Be free to give generously in a healthy manner, honoring the needs and boundaries of your team, clients and yourself.
You would choose to be a guest in a home that offers hospitality over entertainment, wouldn’t you? Me too!
In the same way, your clients and team members deserve to be a part of a company that is led by someone who truly sees their people and leads from love. That’s you!
As you embrace this “people seeing” mindset, you will find greater freedom, joy and confidence in your business!
Dana Roscoe is a transformational coach and the lead of the We Train Coaches FULL SCALE program. She is passionate about helping people cultivate a healthy soul and gain the clarity to live into God’s best for their life, leadership and business.
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