Updated: Aug 17
When anyone hires a coach, they are asking, (out loud or privately in their mind) "Can this coach help me be successful?"
However, in asking that question, it just may be that they are missing the secret sauce that can make their coaching experience not just good, but something great. Transformational even. I created this video to share the two ways great coaches create success.
I recently read a book by New York Times writer David Brooks where he shares the difference between resume virtues and eulogy virtues.
Resume virtues are the ones we use to try to get a job.
We see someone as a resume success if they can list remarkable skills, positions, degrees, titles, they and even achievements.
Eulogy virtues are the ones people talk about when you die. At your funeral. Your character. Who are you in your depth? What’s the nature of your relationships? Are you courageous? Loving? Consistent?
Most of us would say that the eulogy virtues are the more important of the virtues.
Which one of those is most important to coach? Which one of these would make you most effective if you were to create transformation?
And honestly, most of us don’t think about the eulogy virtues so much…. Even though we get a sense we should.
How do you solve the problem?
For yourself and those you coach?
A writer that does an incredible job in tackling the problem was a Jewish Rabbi named Joseph Soloveitchik who wrote a powerful book in 1965 called, The Lonely Man of Faith.
In it, Soloveitchik articulates what I see as the two people we m
And these people exist within every person we coach and will coach.
The two people are called Adam I and Adam II by Soloveitchik. It’s the two sides of our natures.
Adam I and it's the Adam articulated in Genesis Chapter I and is the ambitious, external side of our nature. Adam is told by God, “Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and subdue it. This is the part of us as humans that feels fully alive when we conquer, dominate and control.
Adam I seeks majesty and dignity. Success against forces that seek to push him back. Success over disease, over economic turndowns. This is the competitive side of us.
He wants to build, create, create companies, and solve scientific problems.
But interestingly, there are two creation stories of man in the Bible. Genesis chapter 2 describes the creation of Adam II.
Adam II has different goals that are not just utilitarian.
He seeks a deeper community. He experiences loneliness. He is invited by God to the deeper meaning of work, to moral and character growth, to deep intimacy and relationship with others.
He tills the garden. He invests in knowing and even naming the animals. He goes deep. Not just wide.
Adam II is the humble side of our nature. He seeks to not only do good but be good. He seeks to honor God, and creation and live on purpose.
As David “Adam I want to conquer the world. Adam II wants to hear a calling and obey the world.”
How does this relate to coaching transformation?
Well, I would say to empower transformation as a coach… (not just tweak the margins) you’ll want to and need to coach both Adam I and Adam II. You’ll want to coach BOTH resume virtues AND eulogy virtues.
Some you coach may show up all about Adam I… “Hey just get me quick results coach! Let’s build something that does something!” They’ll want to have you help them get right to actions and outcomes. Results. Just results.
Of course, work with them on that. That matters. Of course, it does! But, here’s the thing: don’t stop there. Take them farther. Coach deeper.
Extract their Adam II as well as their Adam I.
Help them see the deeper meaning of their work. Help them explore their deeper values. Help them grow character qualities like hope, courage, humility, and patience… Help them flourish not just be cogs in the wheel.
Some may see one as better than the other. And for a time, focusing on one Adam or the other may be more important.
But coaching that transforms offers BOTH resume virtues and eulogy virtues. That’s why I see coaches are today’s new spiritual leaders. They release things that matter.
David Brooks wrote, “The heart cannot be taught in a classroom intellectually, to students mechanically taking notes… You can’t teach it or email it or tweet it. It has to be discovered within the depths of one’s own heart when a person is finally ready to go looking for it and not before.”
How does that strike you? Are you personally wanting to go deeper into this? Maybe grow your own Adam II along the way?
If so, Let me recommend two steps:
First. Get a copy of David Brook's book, The Road to Character. and read it of course!
Secondly - Get in touch and let’s explore how you may want to explore if and how Coaching Transformation works and can work for you. Coaching Transformation Academy is all about equipping both Adam I and Adam II. The head and the heart. The resume virtues and the eulogy virtues. The actions and the soul.
Just go to www.CTACoach.com and take the assessment, “Is Coaching for Me?” Take that, then let’s set up a time to explore.
Thanks for caring about growing people! Have a great week!